You go into your favorite decor store and start perusing the aisles, when suddenly, your eyes lock with a gorgeous set of discounted crystal tumblers- and look! There’s a mid century modern style bar cart for an absolute steal! Some crystal decanters…glass stirrers…look at these cute colored sugars for the rims! It’s so perfect, you can just imagine yourself at the end of the day rolling it out for a nightcap by the fire, or entertaining a friend who stops by, and you quickly buy it all up and get it home. The set up looks absolutely adorable in your living room and you can’t wait to start your new ritual…except for one thing...
You never do...
The new ritual never happens. Because alcohol gives you headaches and you rarely drink before bed. You already struggle with keeping the rest of your house dusted and organized, and now you have a new thing collecting dust that never gets used. You always mean to have your friends over but everyone is so busy and no one ever gets the chance…
Maybe it’s not a bar cart setup. Maybe it’s a coffee bar that’s always in disarray and still has Valentines decor up even though it’s almost Easter. Or maybe it’s a chic set of contemporary frames for a gallery wall of black and white photos you “plan on taking“ to hang up. Whatever the situation may be, one thing is certain: You’ve got a bad case of shopping for your Fantasy Self. But no worries! Today we come back to reality, and start building a home that serves the REAL you.
Let‘s face it- most of the reason we struggle to decorate and organize our homes is because we often ”like” a lot of things, and struggle to hone in on a “look” for decor, or a system for organization. I know when I was younger I often would get swept away by the thought of something- a tea set that I was certain I’d use all the time. Cute outdoor decor to make the outside of my home look more “homey”. Things that maybe I saw others using that seemed like such charming ideas that in my imagination seemed just wonderful. But the reality was I just wasn’t going to be a “tea time” person, and the wind, rain and regular elements weren’t going to make having cute outdoor decor possible. It was enough to bring in patio furniture cushions during a storm without having to drag in all of the little tchotchkes that basically just collected pollen, dirt and debris, along with some nice cobwebs and insects. So let’s get into the three steps that will take you from living in fantasy land to creating a home that is perfectly you:
Step 1: Be Real With Yourself
It seems like an obvious step, but creating an intentional home first begins with getting real with who you are. Not what you LIKE. The reality is we all like a lot of different things. More specifically, we like the IDEA of things. When thinking about the look and function of your space, take your time to think about what your lifestyle really is. That isn’t to say we shouldn’t all try and make improvements, but goals should be realistic and achievable. Trying to drink more water each day, or put away laundry right away instead of leaving it sit on the couch for a week, are good changes that can be easily achievable. And it’s very possible we stumble upon a new hobby that becomes a passion. But look at your general temperament. Just because record players are back in style, doesn’t mean that suddenly you’re destined to become a vintage record collector. Take a hard look at yourself. If you like a house that is clutter free and well organized, picking up a new hobby that brings more things to store and put away probably isn‘t going to be the best for you and won’t be something that is serving you in your life, rather it is becoming something else to take care of.
Step 2: Ask yourself: Does it work with my lifestyle, or is it a lifestyle change?
The chess set, bar set, pile of coordinating pillows…whatever it may be…is it something that is useful or builds on your current lifestyle in a positive way? Another way to look at it is, is it something that matches your real life? Think of that children’s game of “which of these things doesn’t belong”. Improvments in our home’s look and function are only as good as their ability to belong in our life. If we have a bunch of kids and pets and lots of foot traffic, we don’t want a coffee table so oversized that kids can‘t freely access the couch. While gingerly shuffling around a tightly packed room might work for some adults- it doesn’t serve a family with busy kids and high traffic. It doesn’t BELONG with that lifestyle or season of life.
If an item is something that comes along with a significant lifestyle change, it is best to think twice before bringing it home. We want to focus on changes that are likely to be improvements rather than items that only fulfill a fantasy.
When shopping, ask yourself “is this practical for my real life?” Something that solves a storage issue, or even a visual issue. Our space may need a change- larger lamps, a different shaped coffee table, more seating- but these items have to not just be an update for the sake of an update. Focus on your family and home needs, in conjunction with style. If you have kids and/or pets, a side table that is tippy with a very fragile lamp on top probably isn’t the best choice, even if it looks lovely. This concept easily goes for anyone at any stage, also. Single, empty nesters, etc.
Step 3: Be comfortable with the real you Trends, styles, and general non-stop marketing can often throw us off from who we really are or what we really like. While our tastes often do change over time, and of course we can grow as people, we don’t usually become someone completely different. It’s okay to not be whatever the trend is. And it’s okay to BE what the trend is. Just be sure to take your time to be okay with who the real you is. If people taking their shoes off before coming into your home is important to you, find a good solution for storing shoes. If you tend to let mail pile up and make a mess of the counter, try working on going through it right away instead of spending money on a filing system. We have to be discerning on spending money to solve home dilemmas. Sometimes something new is required, sometimes a beneficial new habit will be more helpful than another organizing system.
And sometimes we are swayed by photos of “perfect” rooms. Minimalistic kitchens are very in right now, but if you’re into cooking, having certain items always in arms reach on your counter is important. Maybe look to things on your counters that arent used often and can be put away, rather than feeling you have to have perfectly decluttered counters because it’s “in”. That’s not who you are, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s not just okay- it’s awesome!!!
Taking the time to filter out the Fantasy You and get comfortable with the real you can help hone in on the areas of your home and your life that need more tending to. Going back to that bar cart- once you’ve talked yourself out of creating a fantasy bar set up (or whatever fantasy purchase it might be) in your home, maybe you can now focus more on who you really are. Maybe you’re a homebody who loves cuddling up in bed more than anything. Focus on that hotel feel bedding. Sure, it might not be as cool, hip or impressive as the bar cart, when company comes over- but you’re there all night, every night. And you will thank yourself each night for focusing on the real you and making her important.
Whatever your situation is; married, single, kids, no kids, empty nester or grandparent, each of these steps can be helpful in defining a space that serves you, visually and functionally. We all have to talk ourselves out of impulse purchases for the fantasy selves we envision in our minds. But the best part of getting to know the real you, is realizing the fun and unique things that are perfect for your home that you will use. And who knows? Maybe a classy bar cart is exactly what you needed :)
XO, Jill
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